I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize