for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
