i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
