I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I want a musical about memes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
