Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
