We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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