Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
