All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
