Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
