wrigley field is MILF paradise
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
