every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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