Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
