just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
