I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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