Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
