Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
