Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
