you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
