he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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