Where is the hickey?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize