no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
