I showed him my bush... on skype.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
