If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
