You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
