Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
