i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize