can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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