the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
