your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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