it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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