there's paper in my vomit.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
