The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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