Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
