he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
