We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize