I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
