don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
