naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
