I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize