You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
