how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
