hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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