Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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