I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
