one might say we're banned from that church
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
