I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
