I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize