Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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