I got chris browned last night
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Duck Duck Cougar?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
