So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize