i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Someone came in the potted fern
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
