It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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