Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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