Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
