you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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