I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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