he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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