I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
