I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
