My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
