Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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