I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
