apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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