walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
