She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Shame - the story of my life.
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