We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you made out with another girl for some wings
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
