Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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