dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
