I hate all girls vehemently.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
