The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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